alltheangst:

jackbassam:

When I have the sex talk with my kids I’m just going to tell them to follow the basic rule

“If your age is on the clock, you’re too young for the cock”

yeah, and when my kid turns thirteen imma go,

“Sit back down, I was talking about military time.”

lindszburn:

Right before I die I am going to say

“To die, would be an awfully big adventure”

…..

and then my kids will be like

…….

….

….

“Did mom just quote Peter Pan?”

hahahahahahahahaha i just killed a mouse!!!